paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
