When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
