ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
