i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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