More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
