i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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