Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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