I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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