I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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