Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
