did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize