i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
