Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize