If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
