Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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