You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
