Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize