if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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