They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
