I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
