so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
