they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
