I just pynch a tree in the face
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
