His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
