we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
