Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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