Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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