Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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