If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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