My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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