Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
