He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I touched a dick in church today
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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