NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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