Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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