evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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