I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
