Nicole vs. Life
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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