Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
