I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
