she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
