do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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