Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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