it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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