Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize