Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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