I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
