I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
