I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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