somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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