Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
