I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
