a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
