First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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