It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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