wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I party with great urgency now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
