This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
vagina is talking i cant
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
