so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
