I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
