why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
