I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
