Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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