Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
