My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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