so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
